


I Am Also We

by fangirl_squee, madelinestarr



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 20:25:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9255176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_squee/pseuds/fangirl_squee, https://archiveofourown.org/users/madelinestarr/pseuds/madelinestarr
Summary: "I think in a dream it's hard to tell which brother I am."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In a meta turn of events, we each wrote separate chapters (one of us is only part-way through marielda and the other has listened to all of it).

They are two separate men. 

 

They are the same man. 

 

It stopped mattering a long time ago.

 

They have half of a map. They have been looking for the other half for a long time. Edmund thinks there’s a metaphor in that somewhere. Or maybe it’s Ethan that thinks that, thoughts tend to slide back and forth between them.

 

Sneaking into parties is harder when you are two people, and it is easier. Ethan speaks to the guard, a distraction, while Edmund climbs through the window. Or maybe it's Edmund distracting the guard, while Ethan sneaks in the window. Either way, they both end up inside, wandering the opposite fringes of the party. Edmund looks at the silken fabrics of the dancers, Ethan looks at the shining decorations. Together they pull together a more detailed account than any one man would ever be able to.

 

It was easier in the cavalry, and it was harder. So many people around, so many conversations had by two men that had to be remembered as one. They make sure to never be closer than one tent over from each other, they sleep in shifts, they steal extra supplies when they need to. It’s easy to advance in rank when you can be on two sides of a battle at once. They always have to make sure their wounds match. It hurts, sometimes, to make yourself into a mirror image. It’s the same blood, at least.

 

Duelling and dancing are the same. Duelling and dancing are separate actions. That continues to matter. It’s a difference between them, even when there is no difference between them at all. Ethan practices sword movements while Edmund weaves in between his movements across the old wooden boards of their ramshackle room at the academy. Their footsteps light and graceful, matching time with each other, disguising the sound of two people as one. 

 

It’s a double life, and it’s a half-life. People say that he must never sleep, to teach as many classes as he does. They live their life at twice the speed, or maybe it’s that they’re getting double the time. Maybe it’s both, twice as long and twice as fast, balancing out so that they're indistinguishable from any other single person. 

 

They always tell the truth, except they never do. If someone asks Edmund a question and Ethan gives the answer, is that a lie? Every question put to them is a question asked to one person but answered by two.

 

They whisper about the map together in the dark. Two separate items becoming one. Or one item that was never supposed to be pulled into two. 

 

Edmund thinks he can relate, or maybe it’s Ethan that thinks that. 

 

It doesn’t matter. 

 

It stopped mattering a long time ago.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You know that none of this works if we hide things from each other."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw u listen to marielda to make you feel better except, as you already know, the finale

Ethan thinks it’s ironic - that they finally have the whole map but it’s just him on the journey. And Ethan knows that he thinks that, because it really is just him, this time.

Edmund is soft, Edmund is drowning, Edmund has never had to deal with so many emotions on his own before. Classes are cut short or cancelled altogether, because he is so tired now. The school building is quiet - the Six never have meetings in the backroom anymore, the buildings don’t move in the night. There is no second string of breathing to harmonize with Edmund’s own anymore, and he worries that he’s pulling less air into his lungs than he used to. It’s hard to tell, because nobody is there to watch him breathe and tell him if anything is going wrong.

Aubrey, blessed Aubrey, visits. Tells Edmund about all of the creations she and Samot are working on in their Tower. She looks happier around the eyes, and maybe it’s because she doesn’t have to work to know who is who anymore. Edmund knows the feeling. 

Twins can’t read minds, but they also possibly can. Sometimes Ethan laughs at a joke that he’s sure Edmund is telling, far far away from him. Sometimes Ethan clutches his side, or his head - sure that Edmund is hurt somewhere. Ethan’s feet hurts for days, and he hopes that Edmund’s do, too. He hopes that Edmund’s feet will hurt on his journey to meet Ethan. 

Edmund waits for Ethan to make dinner, Ethan waits for Edmund to tell the punchline of a joke he started. Edmund gets in arguments, agrees to duels, forgets to meet at dawn. His reputation plummets, but it’s his alone. He, alone, is Captain Hitchcock. Consequences for actions are his own. 

He wear his brother’s cologne, once, to remember that he is one half of a whole. Someone calls him Ethan at the pub. He leaves the next day. 

Ethan travels north for days, for weeks, for a few years? It’s difficult to tell. He keeps riding his horse, does not look in mirrors, does not ask for a room so much as a bed. One bed. It’s just him. He eats food that he hasn’t had since his time in the cavalry. He remembers jokes Edmund had told about the way he peels an apple. 

The mansion in the woods, at the end of the map, is huge. It takes three days to go through every room. Ethan looks behind him a lot, feeling like he has missed something. Only remembers half of the details, always assumes that someone is in the other room. The garden in the back is huge.

Edmund arrives, a year later. Or maybe the day after Ethan had finally made a home in the old mansion. Edmund looks older, and Ethan doesn’t know how identical they are anymore. He can’t- Ethan can’t- Edmund can’t-. They can’t always realize what the other is thinking. Edmund’s gait is different, they’re no longer always in step together. 

They fight, a lot. They both end up at a painting of their mother with Maelgwyn. She looks happy, as does the other boy. 

When the Erasure hits their home, they are seated in the back porch, laughing in harmony at a joke that they’re not quite sure who told.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on twitter/tumblr: mariusperkins | madelinestarr


End file.
